Episiotomy, blood loss, exhaustion,
Expecting to feel so happy, so in love,
But feeling numb and none of thee above,
Feeling like you'd been hit by a lorry,
Anxiety taking over, not being able to control the worry.
Water retention, no knees, feet won't go into shoes,
Overwhelmed as everything feels scary and new,
Endless visitors which leave you feeling low,
Everyone wanting to meet the baby and you're too polite to say no,
Skin to skin in bed trying to bond,
Hoping that music from pregnancy will make you respond.
Slowly you start to feel more like yourself again,
A new self, a new you,
And you realise as a mother there's nothing you can't do,
You fall head over heels in love with the person you created,
You realise that not everyone feels it right away, you had just waited,
The way she looks at you makes your heart melt,
Postpartum is a rollercoaster, you feel all the feelings you could have felt.
The weeks and months go flying by,
The stress of weaning makes you cry,
Endless washing, vanish baths,
Suddenly one day you hear the worlds best laugh,
UP, down, SMILE, frown, bad days, ecstatically happy days,
Ignore the baby books, just do it your way
Postnatal depression creeps up on you, things turn dark and you don't know what to do
The overwhelming love you feel and support gets you through
You change job and it feels right- like this is something you always knew!
Another year on and sometimes you feel scared to have another,
But you know deep down you can do it, that you are so much stronger as a mother,
There's the dream of something different next time around,
A homebirth, a birth and postnatal doula, from all the information you now know and have found,
For now you know the secret of motherhood,
Trust you instincts, know that you're good
Let go of perfection, not everyday is going to be WOW,
It's ok to just be ok and concentrate on now!